Heyyyy, it’s been a while..
Visiting my grandparents really got me thinking about life. My grandpa turned 70??! & he got so skinny…like he’s changed. When we left I couldn’t help but think to myself what if this was the last time I saw him? Shit happens everyday, & his neighborhood isn’t the safest. What if that was the last time he could EVER give me advice? He’s the only father figure I’ve had this whole time. What the fuck would I do next?
My immediate family relationship still hasn’t been the best. My brother moved out, and he still hates me. My moms been under stress so the house is 10x more tense. I feel like I have no family. It sucksss.
Hmm, what else? Been stood up here and there lol forever alone. Played, usual shit.
And now I sound like I’m complaining…hm.
There were also good times! I went to the amusement park, I still have my sisters, and you know..this pain won’t last forever.
Its been rough..there were some positives though. Just reminding myself to keep my head up even through the hardest times.
“Oh, so you’re one of those people?”
said the dumb bitch
then she rolls her eyes,
packed under mac & OPI.
blind from an ignorant mindest of ‘supiriority’
she has her Gucci on,
brand new stilettos, louis vuitton.
then looks at me
with my plain red T, jeans, and plain ol’ hoop earrings.
At your lowest points, look around..and see whose beside you. Having your back w/out judgement; for better or worse. Those, are your only friends.
At some point, you have to stop lying to yourself. And accept the fact that for some reason you don’t matter to him, as much as he matters to you. And you can’t change that. That’s on him.
Don’t depend on others, because you have no control over what they do. & Their actions will affect you. Stay strong.
I know there’s something different about me that isn’t in these other girls. So as of now, I’m not stressing over you. Because I don’t need you to regret anything, I know I’m better than good enough; This is all on you…next time you see me, without a word being said..you’ll see that.
"A man..who has a choice to do something..but does nothing..can not achieve greatness"- Grandpa
Wayne Hayashi. <3
I want to get back into poetry ❤
"The more you don’t senter yourslef around getting laid..the more you’ll get laid."
This? Is true.
I don’t really care about having sex, lol. But everything good that ever came out of my life, I either worked hard for it..or it just came to me one day. I think I’ve worked as hard as I could for these things, and if they aren’t coming by now..it’s time to just wait. Or not even “wait” more like..push to the side for a while. Focus on other things that need attention. I’m going to try as hard as I can to FORGET about what others think. & I’ll find my own ways to have fun.
I’m good on my own (:
That’s what all this stress was for anyways right? To become strong enough where you don’t need anyone else. (but God.)
So..he turned out to be like all the others.
"Tony C. Malina"
truth be told, it hurts. because not only did he lie to me, he left to be with his ex, and he doesnt seem like he has ONE fuck to give me. damn, I hate homewreckers!! I hate feelings! I hate late lonely nights! I hate THIS! & I CAN’T WAIT to get over him and everyone else whose hurt me in the past! I just can’t fucking wait..